I thought it might come to this (sigh!)
Alas, after all of my stupid internet trials, it sounds like our apartment complex is discontinuing internet service, leaving my wife and myself to make a decision about getting stupid AOL again (never in a million years) or paying the $30 a month to get cable internet ourselves. This might be a good moment for me to stand on the moral soapbox and just ask that people use the internet for good reasons (I guess I have a neighbor who’s in trouble with the FBI for something related to internet crimes–so I can’t blame our apartment owner for trying to avoid going to jail) so the rest of us can still use it without having to suffer the consequences of someone else’s ill-advised actions.
Anyway, since my stupid internet issues (AOL, internet restrictions at work, etc.), my blog popularity has been waning in the extreme. My lack of riding and therefore writing lately might also account for some of that. I still have the option of continuing to write blog entries by e-mail publishing, which would mean that I wouldn’t see you guys’ responses to my entries (and I wouldn’t catch all of the moronic mistakes I usually make while writing these things).
In fact, I think I’ll do that, but I wanted to make it clear that my blogging will likely continue to be sporadic rather than regular, and that I won’t be offended if y’all stop reading regularly (because, hey, I won’t be able to read your comments anyway).
That said, let’s get on with today’s entry:
The Bet’s Off
I have two co-workers who are trying to work out some kind of bet about who will win in the upcoming football game between their alma maters (I’ll give you a hint: one team’s uniforms are predominately red, while the other’s are predominately blue, they’re both in the intermountain west, and it’s a big ugly rivalry that used to be called ‘The Holy War’). In the process of this discussion, they’ve come up with a few different ideas for how this bet will be played out. I, personally, have graced their discussion by contributing a few stupid bet ideas.
Here, in case you’re betting on a sporting event, is a list of (in my ever-so superior opinion) appropriate and inappropriate ways to carry it out:
1. Painting one’s face or dying one’s hair the color of the opposing team. This is a consequence for the loser, in case you didn’t already know. The idea isn’t just that you paint yourself the opposing team’s color, but that you show up to work that way. If you work at a place similar to where I work, you won’t get fired. Just tell the boss you lost a bet. If it’s anything like my workplace, your boss will have likely lost the same bet for much higher stakes.
2. Chanting the opposing team’s fight song repeatedly in the workplace cafeteria during a previously established time so everyone can come and listen in. This is good because fight songs are already stupid, but they’re even stupider (yes, that’s a word, because I said so) in front of a bunch of people you’re too bashful to talk to in the first place–people you’ll keep seeing for months and years to come who will always remember you as the idiot who lost the stupid bet and sang the stupid song in front of the whole cafeteria. Stupid.
3. Going to the opposing team’s next home game dressed as a supporter and supporting them–from the "guest" side of the stadium. Nobody likes the doofus who apparently bought the wrong ticket and still won’t shut up about his team even though he’s parked right in the middle of your cheering section. Why not force the issue? How much less uncomfortable can it be? Maybe the boss will be there and see your bravery under pressure. Maybe it’ll earn you a promotion. Maybe … you’ll realize how stupid it is to bet on college football games …
Okay, so those things are appropriate. Stupid, yes, but they’re also fitting for the stupidity required to bet on college sports. Nonetheless, some people insist on being even more stupid about the whole issue. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know. They totally wussed out when I made the preceding suggestings, and the stupid arrangement they have going isn’t even going to involve entertaining the work crowd. How lame is that?
Anyway, thanks for reading.